Happy Birthday Evan....

I wish for you a happy birthday. You are two years old today, my little man. Mommy and Daddy sent birthday presents to you about a month ago. We prayed the shelter would give them to you today. It is extremely difficult to know that you are so far away from us... especially today. Mommy prayed and prayed for you at church today... and every day and every night. Mommy made you a birthday cake today. It was a two layer square yellow cake. It had little candy decorations on it (grasshopper, frog, butterfly, worm, snail). They were yellow, blue, and green. I had little candies that said happy birthday Evan. I put two blue candles in the cake and we sung happy birthday to you. Did you hear us? Your brother, Ethan, blew out the candles for you. We promise that next year you get to do it on your own!

Oh my sweet little boy, today is so very difficult for me. How I wish I could hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep. How I wish I could give you a bath and wash your little toes. How I wish I could put you in little feetie pj's and chase you through the house. Then I'd hear the little swish, swish, swish sounds the feetie pj's make on the tile floor as you run across it. How I wish I could tickle you and hear you giggle. How I wish I could hold you and kiss you and tell you how very much I love you. I wish I could teach you to kneel beside your bed and say your prayers... just like your big brother, Ethan. How I wish you were in this house tonight as we celebrated your big day.

I sat in the car today and listened to one of my favorite songs. It is "Some Where Over The Rainbow." I listened to it over and over again. Ethan must have known it was special and meant something to me as he didnt say a word even after listening to it many times. I pray the shelter celebrated your birthday today. I know there are over 40 children there. I can only pray that they treat each and every one of you as special as I would... especially today. I don't want to think otherwise.

Happy birthday, my little man! Next year you will be home with your family that loves you very much. Mommy will make a cake just for you. You can pick the flavor and colors that you want. You can even help me decorate it. Next year, we will have a picture of our little boy, Evan, sitting in the chair with a face glowing from candles. Your little lips will be forming a tiny little "o" as you are preparing to blow out your three candles. It will be mommy to wash your face and hands free of all the cake and ice cream. It will be mommy putting you in the tub with your brother for your bath. It will be mommy to hold you tight and read you a book good night. It will be you and Ethan kneeling beside your bed to say your prayers. It will be you that knows how much he is loved. Some where over the rainbow you will be home. I wish all of this for you for your birthday... and always.

Much love,
Mommy
xoxxo

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow"
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby. Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue, And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true. One day I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me. Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly, Birds fly over the rainbow, Why, oh why can't I? Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me. Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly, Birds fly over the rainbow, Why then, oh why can't I?